Ridiculously Phallic Nut Logs

Once Biz and I returned to my apartment from the Strip District today, we decided to bake.

We made a modified version of Jill O'Connor's "Honey Caramel-Pecan Phyllo Slices" (P. 97 of Sticky, Chewy, Messy, Gooey). We're calling them "Ridiculously Phallic Nut Logs" for reasons you will see below.

Ridiculously Phallic Nut Logs

For the Nutty Caramel:

3/4 cup honey

2 cups heavy cream (we used soy cream ... which was mildly sweetened already, so cut back on the sugar if you use vegan cream instead of dairy cream)

1 1/4 cups granulated sugar (1 cup if using the sweetened soy whippable cream)
1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

12 ounces walnuts, coarsely chopped (the original recipe called for pecans, Biz likes walnuts better, so we used walnuts)

For Rollin' the Logs:

48 sheets of phyllo dough (that's about 1 1/2 lbs - we only had half a box, which wound up being half of what we needed! Use a brand new full box, trust us, you'll need all the sheets!) (Actually, I think there's 1lb per box, so maybe 1 1/2 boxes?)
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, melted (we used soy margarine and it worked fine)
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar (yes, more sugar, this is not necessarily exact, its more like whatever you need for sprinkling)

1. To make the caramel, add the granulated sugar, honey, "cream," and salt to a heavy-bottomed sauce pan over low heat and let the mixture come to a low boil. Allow the mix to simmer until it's thick and has a golden color. With the soy cream this took forever. Don't worry though, it will eventually get there. Add the walnuts and vanilla and transfer to an oiled/Pammed bowl.

the mix prior to heating

on the stove (the phyllo dough defrosting nearby)

bubbling and getting there...
after adding the nuts and having cooled a bit

2. Let the caramel cool until you're able to handle it, but it's still workable. Divide the caramel into 12 portions and roll into rope about 3/4 inch thick using your hands. Oiling yourself up really helps with this process (ie: spray your hands with Pam). We at the UCC figured this out after Robin had made several relatively successful logs and I had caramel all over my hands and was complaining about the burning. This being said, we also did not wait that long for the caramel to cool.
Let the logs cool completely until hard, or until your impatient ass gets the better of you.

Robin shaping the nut logs - so sexy (Nice hair-in-the-eye shot Biz!)

Shaped nut logs - now you know what we mean.

3. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit while you construct the logs. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment. Place one layer of the phyllo onto a workspace, brush it lightly with the melted butter or soy margarine, and sprinkle a light amount of sugar on it. Lay another sheet of phyllo over this one and repeat the process; do this until you have a total of 4 sheets. Lay one of the logs lengthwise along the shorter edge of the phyllo sheets. Roll up the log in the phyllo layers, brush the top with butter/margarine, sprinkle it with sugar, and place it seam-side down on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Repeat this until all logs are encased in phyllo. Bake them in the oven for 15-20 minutes until golden brown.

into the oven!
out of the oven!

4. You should let the logs cool and the caramel filling become firm, but we just cut them open and ate them 5 minutes after they came out. The center was gooey and delicious, and the outside was crispy and buttery.

Yum!

-Robin- and ~*'Biz'*~